shoulda, coulda, woulda

I was out a few weeks ago with some friends, one of my rare Girls Night Out, and my friend said something that made me freeze my thoughts. 

It was about the word Maybe.  She said whenever her parents said "maybe" it always meant no or that it wasn't going to happen.  Oh man.  Did that ever hit home.  I will freely admit to things that I won't be doing.  I own it.  But I'm also the Queen of Maybes.  Maybe we'll do "X" someday.  It never happens.  It's my way of making my wishful self, seem more like my reality.  Living vicariously via "maybe".  Maybe I'll take belly dancing classes again....  Maybe I can take some more Spanish classes at the college... Maybe we'll get bikes and go on family bike rides. 

Maybe maybe maybe. 

And it's become an easy default to say to the kids.  I really don't want to say no, because honestly, these are things I really want to do and there is actually a chance that we would do it, given the right circumstances.  But unfortunately, the circumstances don't seem to be right. ever.  So we don't go, don't see, don't do.  But when I say yes to things, it does happen.  I'm totally committed.  We're in.  I just need to figure out how to transition more of the maybes into yeses.

My new mission is to figure out my Mission, my Life Path.  To start living intentionally.  I've heard this phrase time and time again, all over the blog world-- from Evangelical, homeschoolin' homemakers to super crunchy, tree huggin' eco-warriors.  Basically, it means to figure out your intent; your mindset is devoted to self-awareness, growth and understanding. A purposeful application of intention to create the reality you wish to live.

Bingo.

I think I get so caught up in just getting through the day, I forget how to LIVE during my  days.  I get into the "just 'cause" mode.  Just 'cause we are hungry.... just 'cause I need to get this project done.... just 'cause we need to make an appearance. No whys or hows, just cross it off the task list.  

I haven't totally figured out what my intent is yet.  I kinda started this last year with our eating habits; eating more wholesome, organic, local foods and less junky, processed food.  But I didn't apply this thought process to the rest of the areas in my life.  I know, Babysteps. It really makes sense though. Family goals and personal goals.  What the heck we want out of life and how we want to get there.  This is my personal homework.  

What is my intent?  How do I want to live my days? What type of person do I want to be? What's my role? How am I going to make this all happen?  

So who else wants to join me?  Come on Loyal 7 (and you lurkers, I know you're there from my stats!)  We can meet up next week and share.  Anyone... anyone?

photo credit: Lady-bug via flickr creative commons